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Funny Quotes

(Total Quotes: 75 | Viewed: 13536 times)

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
by Bob Hope
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If it begins with a wink, it can end with a slap.
by Submitted by Martin Dansky.
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All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
by Casey Stengel
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
by Henry Youngman
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Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife’s clothes.
by Thomas R. Dewar
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When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
by Gracie Allen
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The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
by Kin Hubbard
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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
by Maryon Pearson
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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining.
by Mark Twain
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If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
by Harry S Truman
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Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.
by Steven Coallier
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The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
by James Thurber
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Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
by Anonymous
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
by Steven Wright
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Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.
by Dan Castellaneta
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