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Redneck Jokes

(Total Poems: 11 | Viewed: 7811 times)

Paying In Advance

Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the redneck. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.

“Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”
6
1
(Votes:7)

A Man Takes The Ferry Home From Work

A redneck lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so he decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.

When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. He was afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.

“How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud redneck to a deck hand.

“It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
5
0
(Votes:5)

Rednecks Go Fishing

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”

The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
4
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(Votes:4)

A Redneck Gets Shot

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

“Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?’”

“And then what happened?” the officer interrupted.

“From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, ‘Sure, I’m game.’”
5
1
(Votes:6)

A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, “I resent that!”

The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, ” You stay outta this, I”m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!
1
1
(Votes:2)
 

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