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Farmer Jokes

(Total Poems: 21 | Viewed: 7236 times)

Farmer’s Horse

A man was driving into town, and he fell in a big ditch in the middle of the road.

A farmer came up and said, “My horse Sebastian can pull you out,” the man said OK and the farmer got Sebastian.

When Sebastian was hooked up, the farmer said, “Pull Ranger! C’mon Benny! Lets go Delilah!!!!”

Then the farmer said, “Pull Sebastian, pull!”

Then the car was out of the ditch, the man said, “I have a question, why did you say the wrong name three times?”

And the farmer said, “Because Sebastian is blind, if he knew other horses weren’t pulling, he wouldn’t even try…”

Proud Rooster

The minister had just finished an excellent chicken dinner at the home of a member of his congregation when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard.

“That’s certainly a proud-looking rooster you have there,” the minister commented.

“Yes, sir,” replied the farmer. “He has reason to be proud — one of his daughters has just entered the ministry!”

Know Habits

A farmer was out plowing one day, when his son ran up to the tractor excitedly.

“Daddy, there’s some preacher come to visit, and Momma wants you to come in and meet him” The farmer said “Son, I have to finish here, but I need your help. Go back inside and tell mom that I’ll be there in a little while; find out which preacher it is; and do this:

If it’s the Catholic priest, hide the bottle of wine, he’ll drink it all if you don’t.

If it’s the Lutheran minister, hide the cookie jar with Momma’s butter and egg money in it, he’ll talk her out of all of it.

And if it’s the Baptist preacher, you sit on Momma’s lap until I get there!”

Giving Away A Horse

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked.

“I am.” said the man.

“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.”

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said.

“Here’s your chicken.” said the farmer.

Texan Farmer Travels To Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?

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