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Computer Jokes

(Total Poems: 13 | Viewed: 8183 times)

You are a Nerd If…

If you have more toys than your kids

If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

If you have memorized the program scheduled for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
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(Votes:4)

Computer Jokes

Customer:Hey Shopkeeper i want some curtains for my computer
Shopkeeper:Why do u need curtains for your computer ????
Customer:Oh you don’t know my computer has windows
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(Votes:544)

What Is Gender Of Computer?

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

As per men, computer is feminine because -
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
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(Votes:3)

Upgrading Bill Gate’s Hell

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ‘95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?” Bill asked.

“I’ll leave that up to you.” God replied.

“Okay then,” said Bill, “let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of long-legged women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

“This is great,” he told God. “If this is hell, I really want to see Heaven.”

“Fine,” said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, beautiful and sunny, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

“Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told God.

“Fine,” replied God, “as you desire.”

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, surrounded with heavy thick-legged women and being burned and tortured by demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no matter how loud he screamed.

“How’s everything going?” He asked Bill.

Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented disappointment.

“This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can’t believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the long-legged women playing in the water????”

“Oh,” God said, “that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95.”
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(Votes:2)

Programming Language Acronyms

ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
C: Confusing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
PASCAL: Programmers Against Structured Code And Language
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(Votes:1)
 

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